In many ways, I am glad to say goodbye to 2011. It was the year that almost broke me. Yet now I find my sense of faith, hope and love is even stronger than before. I know many people have had challenges. I share some of my story to pass along hope.
In the first six months of the year I dealt with recovering from the grief of losing my nephew and my daughter’s finacee in 2010, and watching my daughter suffer. (Oh so hard for a mom to not be able to fix this). In February my daughter was hospitalized for post tramatic stress and needed to take a break from nursing school. Three weeks after we all drove from Florida to Minnesota, I found out my Mom had severe pnemonia and would probably only live a day or two. We drove to Canada and arrived in time to say goodbye to my Mom. It was very peaceful and I could feel the room full of angels. Even though her death was peaceful compared to the young deaths we experienced, it felt a little like a final straw. Afterwards I became exhausted for awhile and needed to cocoon at home and rest. Even visiting friends felt like too much effort.
It forced me to rest. A lot. I put my business on hold so I could give myself time to recuperate. My body didn’t give me a choice.
Yes, 2011 was a tough year. Yet I have so much to be grateful for now. My daughter is back in nursing school and will graduate next spring! She has found her way back to herself and to God. She will be an amazing nurse. My son will also graduate as a nurse a year from now and is doing quite well. My family had a very peaceful Christmas all together on the farm. I treasure these times even more because of the losses we have witnessed. Just being together really fills my heart.
Surviving grief resulted in me focusing on the present moment of life. Taking photos became a form of meditation for me, bringing me totally into the moment of noticing the small details of beauty within a flower, or noticing the magnificence of the clouds softly surrounding a sunset.
My heart still feels a little tender, but also somehow feels even more expansive. Maybe I just appreciate all the little things much more.
Leaving 2011 behind and walking into 2012
I feel a new sense of hope starting to bubble up. I am thankful for faith, hope and love. Always hang on to hope.
My love and blessings to you. May we all have a wonderful 2012!
Feel free to share in the comment section below.
Beautiful post, Nancy! Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Sweetie! Big hug. I am honored by your strength and your having hope again. Thank you for sharing this. (My year of hell was in 2009 and 10, so I so understand!) It’s been a doozy.
Thank you for sharing with such candor Nancy….I admire and am inspired by your strength and deep sense of faith. Looking forward to much happier and less trying times ahead in 2012, with much love and a big hug!!
[...] know, we had a lot of family crisis over the last few years. I wrote about this on the blog post, Goodbye 2011. Finding Hope in the Challenges. The short version is three family deaths, my daughter’s depression and my Dad moving into [...]